But imagine, if you will, you are sitting there digging around in the back yard. You have this awesome idea for a garden and really want to get to work on it. There will be different levels to this garden using the hill that is behind your house. While digging, suddenly you feel something weird start to happen in your chest. Almost like something has just taken over your heart. With that being your only warning, the next thing you know is that you have just been kicked in the chest hard and it throws you backward. If that wasn't bad enough, you also have this unmistakable taste in your mouth suddenly. The taste of electricity. Think back to when you would take a 9 volt battery and test if it was still good by putting your tongue to it (maybe that was just me I don't know haha) now take that and amplify it by 100, I would say. That is what it feels like.
I have had this happen to me four times on three separate occasions and almost one other time. Let's see if you can find the pattern. The first time was the time above. The second time I was hiking up a steep hill; for some reason thinking that it would be a great idea. The third and fourth time was one right after another. This happened while I was doing a little bit of leveling of the ground where our pool was going to be, but the main problem was I forgot to take my afternoon pill. Needless to say, I don't touch shovels anymore.
With this in mind, there is a fear that is always lurking in the back of my mind. The last thing I want is to experience the pain and fright that come with the device going off. When I'm exercising, walking, hiking, or anything like that- if I feel anything go fluttering in my chest, it can bring on this anxiety. My poor wife has had to come running to me a few times to get me to relax my mind and my body so that I could stop the panic attack that had just come on over nothing.
Fear is real, fear can control our lives. I have been letting it tear me apart. Fear is something we all experience and have to deal with. It's reminding yourself that there is light that can help you remove the fear. I am still learning how to use that light. I know that it is worth it so I will keep trying.